All posts by Vann Crow

Need a kick-start to knock out that deadline? Got some HALF-BAKED ideas for you!


1. Pet boutique: Lady trying hats on her poor purse pet dog. It’s embarrassed: “OK, just think about the TREATS, the TREATS, the TREATS, not the humiliation.”

2. Men’s Public bathroom looking at the outside of two stalls. Fart cloud coming from one stall, and from the other, “How about a gas mask and a courtesy flush?

3. Man sitting at the computer. He is hitting the delete button as fast as he can. His girlfriend/wife is standing over his shoulder. “You’re shopping again aren’t you!?”

4.Toll booth attendant using finger puppets to take the money and say “Thank You”

5. Family game night. Everyone is dressed in football gear sitting at a table about to play some board games. “Robinson Friday Family Game Night under the Kitchen lights”

6. Woman in a checkout line at a store writing a check looking at the others in line. “I am old school.”

7. Chemical Weapons Factory Break Room: There are two snack machines. One has healthy food the other has the usual unhealthy snacks. The unhealthy snack machine has a long line.

8. Older grumpy man sitting at a table eating a breakfast with his wife. “They are making me start one of those social media account today at work.”

9. Toddler to his father: “Got to pooppy YO!” followed by “No toilet paper YO!”

10. Several lines at the gates of hell with signs saying – “Generally Bad” “Murderers” “Financial Thieves” “Chemical Weapon Makers and Users”. Two men in the generally bad line are talking. Caption: “Do you think the inventors of chemical weapons go to the front of the line in Hell? Or does he give them a special lab in Hell to continue their work?”


Watch a FREE PREVIEW of the Hillbilly Horror Show – VOLUME 4

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Hillbilly Horror Show

Making a parody will soon become legal in the UK


When it comes to the right to take the mickey out of famous songs, movies or books, the UK has always cast envious eyes toward the US.

“If you’re a YouTube sensation-in-waiting, just gagging to unleash your parodies onto the world, what is it that you can and can’t do under the new rules? For a start, you can make a pastiche, caricature or parody, and while there’s no word on transformative works (i.e. mashups like Buttery Biscuit Base and They’re Taking the Hobbits to Isengard) we’d imagine they’re pretty safe, too”




MIT Researchers Create Personalized Vision-Correcting Displays

Have trouble seeing? No worries. A team of university researchers is developing displays that can adjust itself depending on your prescription.






My vision changed once I hit 40. I have to hold everything far away to see it.  I don’t think my arms will be long enough to see anything when I turn 50. Thank you MIT… My Obamacare plan does not cover Arm Lengthening Surgery. 

Designer’s Graphic Neighborhood Logos Should Terrify New Yorkers – Huffington Post

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Designer’s Graphic Neighborhood Logos Should Terrify New Yorkers Huffington Post Graphic designer James Taylor recently captured the city’s corporate occupation by reimagining the names of Manhattan neighborhoods in the style of large national…

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Crowbars #42

Good feelings and Wishes to everyone! The day is always as grand as you want it to be starting NOW! Talking to friends and with agreement to their delightful suggestions, I will now eat one piece of chocolate everyday until the end.

Stage two or six, I am not sure which one, is about to happen with all future posts. Inspiration comes from over two thousand miles away, but with only seconds time out of my turning corners life. Thank you Havi (said with a British accent)

Every day I ponder what might inspire the Next Great Something:
THEN ~ Digging around in the dirt as a kid :: NOW ~ Digging around in the world as an adult. – Creates the Smile

Passion comes from joy riding around what could be and shaping it into what is….Having conversations daily with my muse attracts the of nuts and bolts of creatures and spaceships. I love the anticipation and appreciate all that comes.

WARNING: The sum of these parts never equal the parts of the whole of your NEXT GREAT SOMETHING. Use at your own fun and story telling will.


Defined ~ In a plot to spark an idea I want you to take these and make them into something useful for your story, script, blog, cartoon, or just anything you feel will be interesting. 

  • When you gotta go….you gotta go
  • Today I will get the safest seat on the airplane, right next to the crapper.
  • An elephant walked into a bar in Times Square.
  • I really don’t know what to say to my girlfriend after last night
  • Don’t worry, I had vodka, they will not be able to smell it on my breath
  • If I lived in Madagascar would you still come visit me?
  • My popularity is at an all time low.
  • Yesterday we walked on  a nude beach in Cancun
  • What would happen if a country completely collapsed?
  • If you think your mom will forgive you then tell her.
  • No matter how loud you yell the chair will not respond.
  • Sure would be great if we had a way to to wake up and know grammar like those grammar girls
  • When is the last time you cleaned your house like your mom does?

BREAKERS: Solid Brick,Dark Side for the Dance Club,Liquid Sugar,Lima Beam,Grand Daddy Short Legs,Gray Sun Rocks,Thunder Shakes,Mind Joggers


Defined ~ Just when you thought you knew what I was going to write…

  • Thunder Shakes
  • Ticket to no success
  • I am on top of the pincushion
  • Mass Construction
  • Breaker 1-20
  • Drop in the Barrel
  • Beating around the Giant Redwood
  • Chow Up
  • Lima Beam
  • Gut Smelling
  • Icing on the roof
  • If it is not one thing, it’s nothing
  • Kick start your bad habit
  • Don’t hold your lungs
  • Hit the spot inside the hole
  • Firing on all players
  • Granddaddy short legs
  • Dark side of the dance club


Defined ~ A great prop properly placed builds character…what can you build your character with?

  • Micheal Weston’s Sunglasses…for that matter Bill Gates Glasses
  • Give’em a haircut
  • Cherry Pie
  • Zoro’s mask
  • Dennis Rodman’s new hair color
  • Crocodile Dundee’s large knife
  • Pink Panties
  • Surfing on a long board
  • Nitrous Oxide tank in the trunk.
  • Luke Skywalker’s lightsaber


Quick look at Sports Talk Radio

  • Fire the people up with controversial subjects.
  • Premier place for talking trash.
  • Analyze the numbers with people who know and those that don’t
  • “That concerns me”…the opinions swaying people to a specific direction.
  • Callers are goldmines for comedy
  • Pep Talks – “You got to make the shots when you need too.”
  • You have to have controversy on every level.
  • “All fed up”  You should be to as a fan.
  • Got the “Call them out.”
  • I went to school with him.


Joe Spinelli fired off insults to his local radio fans every night. They all loved, laughed, and talked about it. Everyone except one struggling ball player who could not shake the disrespect.



And finally, if you are looking for Crowbar 1 thru 41 you will not find them. I don’t like starting with one and going forward, so I started at the next best number. Thank you Doug.


Need a job title for a character?

 ::Character Development::


Need to create a character for your story, but don’t know where to start?

How about random list of job titles for characters and something odd to help get a character built.CrowbarLOGO-JobTitles

Accounting Director – Has Dyslexia

Actuary – Hates Probability

Anesthesiologist – Has a drug habit

Architect – Lives in a barn

Attorney / Lawyer – Cannot Spell

Biomedical Engineer – Is a serial killer

Biotechnology Research Scientist – Is a spy

Business Development Analyst – Sell cocaine

Business Operations Manager – For a Bra Manufacturer

Certified Public Accountant – Pays off the IRS

Civil Engineer – Destroys Environment

Clinical Research Associate – Make homemade candles

Clinical Services Director – Is a graffiti artist

Compensation Analyst – Married to a garbage collector

Computer and Information Scientist – Sneezes loud constantly

Construction Estimator – Is a mafia henchman

Construction Project Manager – Is homeless

Customer Service Manager – Has anger issues

Database Administrator – Types very slow

Dentist – Has bad breath

Director of Communications – For a mom and pop store

Director of Nursing – Runs an escort service for the terminally ill

Emergency Room Physician – Missing two fingers

Employment Recruiter – Has OCD

Environmental Engineer – Hates

Environmental Health & Safety Specialist – Has a fear of heights

Geographic Information Systems Analyst

Healthcare Consultant – Cannot stand fruit

Healthcare Services Program Director

Hospital Administrator – Loves to pop ballons

Human Resources Consultant

Information Systems Security Engineer –

Information Technology Business Analyst – For a .COM start-up

Intensive Care Unit Nurse – Is forgetful

Management Consultant – Hates Rats

Marketing Consultant – Is antisocial

Medical Case Manager – Loves Chocolate

Network Operations Project Manager – Former Navy Officer

Nursing Home Director – Is 25 years old

Obstetrician / Gynecologist – Has a foot fetish

Outside Sales Manager – For a grass seed company

Physical Therapist – Over eats

Physical Therapy Director – Weighs 450Lbs

Physician Assistant – Steals money from wallets

Product Management Director – Texas cattle farm

Project Engineer – For NYC MTA

Psychiatrist – Is into S&M

Public Relations Director – Pharmaceutical Company

Regional Sales Manager – The Garlic Farm

Rehabilitation Services Director – Is a quadriplegic

Research & Development Manager – For Hot Wheels

Risk Management Manager – A Nuclear Casualty Insurance Trust Company

Sales Account Manager – A rat trap company

Sales Director – A meatball manufacture

Security Director – For a Circus

Senior Data Analyst – Reads romance novels

Senior Product Development Scientist

Senior Sales Executive – For a RV business

Social Worker – Hates kids

Software Architect – Builds Gazabos

Software Engineering / Development Director

Speech-Language Pathologist – Has a lisp

Statistician – Has a Jelly bean Collection

Structural Engineer – Is a Boy Scout Troop Leader

Systems Engineer – Reads Poetry

Technical Services Manager – Runs Hot Rod Car Shows

Technical Writer – Has Arthritis

Telecommunications Network Engineer – Loves Heavy Metal

Test Software Development Engineer – Writes children’s books

Training Development Director – Never went to college

Web Developer – Avid mountain climber

Web Project Manager – Does not know how to code

Gag Re-Caps: POLITICAL / WORLD – March 2013

Gag Re-Caps: POLITICAL / WORLD – March 2013

Need some inspiration for your next cartoon or story? Below is a quick list of recent political and world cartoon descriptions.

~ Newly appointed pope dressed in a mix of traditional Pope and a South American garb including a poncho style scarf, a golden belt embossed with a cross, and a cowboy hat.

~ The president is holding a large poster board. On the board is a sports tournament brackets. On each line of the brackets tax hike is written all the way to the finals.

~ Dogs are standing by a mailbox at the end of a driveway. Laying on the ground next to them is a news paper with the heading explaining the US Post Office has stopped Saturday deliveries.

~ Cardinals are waiting outside next to the official Pope Security Mobile. One of them is explaining the newly elected Pope took the bus instead.

~ Vice President Candidate Ryan is in a classroom. He is writing on a chalk board over and over about him learning his lesson about the 2012 election.

~ Four Panels – Church roof with a small chimney stack. In three of the panels there has black smoke flowing into the air. The last panel has white smoke. Two people are observing. One of them questions if the smoke will affect climate change. The other has a list of problems including abuse scandals, women, marriage, and birth control.

~ A bunch of elephants on Pogo sticks are crashing into a ceiling. They are all complaining about raising the debt ceiling.

~ The president is patting the back of a severely chocking elephant. Nonchalantly he explains the elephant is chocking of the new trillion dollar coin.

~ Elephant and a donkey are wearing tee-shirts. The elephant’s shirt says it is not his fault. The donkey’s shirt says it’s his fault.

~ We see a church chimney with white smoke in the shape of South America.


Descriptions are for reference only.

Questions to get that writing day going?

Are you on a deadline and need some random questions to get the flow going?

How about some pry-bar imagination questions:

Take each one of these questions and turn them into a story, joke, cartoon. These questions are not anything new or special, but for the most part if create something with them , your audience will get what you are talking about. Take a couple of them and combine them.

1. Do you know your name’s heritage? Irish Welsh…there is a lot to be sad about that combination

2. How many comes in a box? The last time I checked there were

3. What color is your poop today?

4. How cold is outer Space on your skin?

5. When year did you graduate high school?

6. You think you are better than me?

7. How do you like it?

8. Is a poor man a lazy man?

9. What is cool about your best friend?

10. Are you ever going to stop _________?

11. Do you watch too much TV?

12. What is the latest horrible fashion trend?

13. Who are you going to call?

14. How do you act naturally?

15. If you were missing how could you be found?

16. How can a resident become an alien?

17. What is an advanced personality with a basic look?

18. Is your love life genuine or an imitation?

19. What is your Job?

20. Do you have a secret?

21. Are you a Millennial or a Baby Boomer?

22. Do you prefer coffee or energy drinks or BOTH?